Staying in Your Sacral Energy with Annette Ackema
This week, Annette Ackema is going Under the Surface with us to discuss the power of archetypes and ways she has stepped into and is staying in her sacral energy.
Every time I see one of her reels, I feel her juicy SACRAL energy. It’s so pure and comes from a place of her full-bodied “YES.”
So, of course I had to have her on Under the Surface where we’ll be diving into a range of topics from people pleasing, the pressure to say "yes," when your body is saying "no," how we feel and receive external validation, the pressures of conditioning, self-censorship, stepping into your power, exploring different archetypes like the maiden, mother, and more!
Annette (3/5 sacral generator) plays in the field of expanding collective pleasure through the lens of bringing awareness into our sexual shadows, bringing a very powerful perspective to this week's discussion!
Tap below to hear the full magical, beautiful, and poetic episode or keep reading!
Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
I would love to hear about what your journey has been like. Have you always been so connected to your body and your energy? Or has it taken a bit of learning to get there?
“The first thing that comes to mind right now is like probably 10 years ago, I was still in high school. I remember actually having this random realization while I was driving my car where I feel like I figured out the universe–at least my universe.
I loved to party when I was in high school. I loved to go out and drink. I loved to go to raves. Like, I loved to party. I had this realization: life is meant to be fun.
Otherwise, if I'm not having fun, and if I'm doing things that I feel like I should be doing, but I'm not actually having any utility or like pleasure from that experience. I might be making money for that opportunity cost. But, I'm not actually feeling good, so there's no actual point to it.
So, and I remember driving in my car and just having this realization of like, oh, the point of life is to have fun.
The point of life is to party. And that's what it looked like when I was 17 or 18. That's the first thing that kind of comes to mind of like, yeah, I feel like I've always kind of been really prioritizing my pleasure, prioritizing the way that I experience life, to always be directed towards having fun.
Now that being said, I also have really, really, really strong, conditioning against that. I had that realization, and then it's been 10 years of kind of unfolding the conditioning that's beneath that, that withholds me from truly embodying that all day, every day.
So, that was kind of like an initiation. And I was like, okay, this is my path.
Then as soon as I acknowledged that as my path, the conditioning or the deconditioning process really began because then I started college. And in college–if it was up to me at that point, I would've studied art or something like theatre or something very expressive in that way. But my parents had a really strong influence on me and I was forced to study economics and business. I was told that they wouldn't pay for my college if I didn't study finance. My mom was a financial analyst and stuff like that.
So, then I started to go back and forth. And that was also a metaphor for my career after college. I would go back and forth between my conditioning of being in the accounting world, the business world, finance world, and feeling super drained, feeling super disconnected from my body. Feeling like I was wasting all of my precious party life force that like I know is my gift to give to the world.
And it's not just about partying and drinking. Like I don't even really drink anymore, but it's about being that buzzing life force, like sacral source for the environment and the people around me. I felt that that was truly my purpose.
So I constantly was teeter tottering and I would spend 3-6 months max., like I think the longest time I've ever held a corporate job was five months and my body would just start to break down. Either, literally I would gain a lot of weight and I would start to get really lethargic and super depressed, or like some sort of relational chaos would happen at the workplace that would really show me that this was not the right place for me to be in.
So I would spend 3-6 months disowning my body, disowning my intuition, disowning my sacral enthusiasm and kind of becoming more robotic. And then I'd quit as a true three line. Right? I'd break the bond. And I would go on the complete opposite side of the spectrum and I'd move to Hawaii or I'd move to Thailand or I'd, you know, I'd buy a van and I'd start living in a van going to festivals.
So, for four years, I was like six months in the corporate world, six months in the hippie world. And then in the hippie world, I would feel like I wasn't actually using my intellect enough. And I wasn't fully satisfied in that either. And so then I would go back to corporate world and I never really could find that sweet spot in the middle of being able to, to kind of actually use my power and stay in my sacral energy at the same time.
I would say in the last two years, when I started my business and I actually started to create more freedom for myself is when I fully have every single day, use this, use my embodiment, use my pleasure, listened to my body as my compass all day, every day for the past two years. And that's been my dedication and, it's like the new path and I, I can't stray from it. Like, I literally cannot.
It's so obvious to me if I go a day or two, or heaven forbid even a week where I'm like not where I'm falling into conditioning of what I think I should be doing. And I'm starting to lose that sacral vibrance. I can track it. And I'm like, I can't go longer than a week with going down that road.”
Mm, I love that.
I love that story and I feel like so many people listening can relate to learning about their Human Design, and then thinking back on your life and remembering those moments where you got it.
I’m looking at your chart and I see you have the pressure sandwich, you know, the undefined head, root, heart, and solar plexus. So I’m actually really curious, when you do find yourself doing the “shoulds,” and going down that path, what does that look like for you? What are those things that you feel the pressure to do?
“I could give you a great example of something that happened yesterday, actually.
So, I'm here in Tulum and…yes, I'm a human design reader. Yes. I'm a pleasure coach, but what feels like my true, like true sacral sauce is playing volleyball. Like if I could go pro I would, and I could, I could go pro–anyways.
I'm here in Tulum because I have a really tight knit volleyball family here that I met last year when I was traveling. So I pretty much come here to just play volleyball all day.
As I'm playing volleyball, I'm in my sacral energy because I'm moving, I'm connecting with other people. I'm providing that, like, I'm fulfilling my purpose. I'm lighting up the whole beach. I feel like people can feel I'm very magnetic. So I'm like, okay, this is what I'm here to do now.
Like I said, I feel very magnetic and people are drawn to that. People ask me out a lot and I have a partner. And someone came up to me after volleyball yesterday and was like, he was just making really sweet conversation…I was really receiving the conversation like, ‘oh, you're so good,’ all this stuff. I was like, oh wow, I'll receive this. You know, this feels good.
Then like out of nowhere, he asked me out on a date and all of a sudden, all of this pressure. And I really feel it is probably from my solar plexus of avoiding my truth, out of fear of confrontation, and that pressure to appease him. Right?
I know that we kind of wanted to touch on some archetypes and I really feel like I have a lot of maiden energy because I'm so bubbly and effervescent, and optimistic. And I really support people in that way too. But, I also still carry the shadow of the maiden, which is like being taken advantage of, not having clear boundaries, being kind of naive, you know, and like feeding into when people are flirting with me and not really being able to cut it off at the appropriate point.
So, I felt that yesterday and I actually like re-programmed it in the moment.
Okay. So, he asked me on a date, he's like, ‘would you like to do this?’ And immediately I felt my body contract. All of a sudden, I was receiving praise and I was like, oh, this feels good. And all of a sudden, oh my god, there's pressure to, you know, do something that's not actually in alignment with me. And I said, ‘yes!’
I even still said yes. Like, still out of conditioning, out of fear of hurting his feelings, you know? And then immediately, he left. I had his phone number and afterwards, I felt into it. And so I texted him and I was like, ‘I'm so sorry, I should have said this earlier. I have a partner. I can't go on a date with you. I don't know why I didn't have the ability to say that in the moment.’
But I'm lapsing the time where I used to go on those dates, even when I had a boyfriend. I wouldn't be able to say no, and I didn't have really clear boundaries in that way.
And so I noticed after he asked me and I said, yes, my body felt horrible. I felt super anxious. I felt sad. I was like sad for myself, sad for my partner, sad for him. So I was like, I used to just do whatever anyone wanted me to do. And now I'm not doing that anymore. You know, there's a great example.
I also feel it a lot in business. I feel a lot in my open head, with being in the coaching industry, with doing human design, it's quite an intellectual system at the beginning before it becomes embodied. And so having to know the answers for everyone, right?
And when it comes to healing sexual trauma and going into embodiment with other people, sometimes saying, ‘I don't know,’ is the hardest thing. But it's also when I have really owned my, ‘I don't knows,’ but let's go into it with a question process, or let's discover it together, has been the most beautiful conversations ever.
So actually owning when I don't know the answer for someone has been a really big journey for me. I think that a lot of coaches can probably resonate with that as well. Like feeling like we need to fix everyone else's problems.
This happens a lot with my open head as well, like after a session with someone I'll be in the shower days later, and I'll still be thinking about them in their business and what their challenges are. And I can't let them go. I'm always concerned about other people and what they need from me.
So, this is where the pleasure practice or the embodiment actually comes into play because I am so prone to just being in my head all of the time. It isn't until I have one hand on my heart, and one hand on my womb, that I'm actually coming back into my sensational body.
That's my truth. That's the only true truth that I have. It's not what's in my head. It's just what I'm feeling in my belly, you know, and if it's angst, can I move that through some pleasure? Can I move that into my heart? And, you know, actually release it. Move it out of my throat…getting that energy out of my throat.
And so that is just a very simple process of like, whenever I feel that pressure, I put my blindfold on, I get out my wand, and I just practice moving and toning that out of my body. And then, ultimately that leads me to like acceptance of my ‘I don't knows.’”
I also have the pressure sandwich, so I really relate to that. But, I don’t have a fifth line. When you become a coach, it’s because you want to help people, but I’m realizing that I’m not here to solve your problems.
I feel like Human Design gives this beautiful gift of realizing that the root of most people’s problems is disconnection, and not being fully present and aware. So, when you can help them be more present and be more aware and observe themselves without attaching to every emotion, every thought, every pressure, it eradicates a lot of the problems.
So, I loved that story about the date. I’m so far removed from the dating world at this point in my life. I’ve been with my partner for like over 7 years, we have 2 kids, and I’m so comfortable with him. At the same time, I still find myself trying to, basically, emotionally regulate for him. Really, it’s people pleasing.
So, my question for you after hearing that story. I was wondering, do you find that you’re more susceptible to that with men specifically? Or is it everyone?
“I would say it's definitely everyone. I definitely am straight, so, you know, as like a sexual, like extremely sexual being, just that feeling, that life force through me all the time, it definitely gets heightened around men, for sure…
So like I said, I was here last year and I was even more in my maiden energy last year. And I had all of these kind of sexual cords out with like a handful of guys that I was getting validation from. And that I was, you know, like trying to be their muse in some way, by just being a sparky little generator to brighten their day. And I got a lot of validation from that.
That was kind of at the very beginning, when I started my sexual reclamation and really going into my sexual trauma, healing my patterns of meeting power through sexual validation…
So, that was at the very beginning and I spent this last year diving into that in every single way, shape, or form. And you kind of talked about this a little bit earlier when you mentioned before we started, that some people have to like had to mute me or something because maybe it's just like too much or they get addicted to me or whatever. I kind of perceive that as sometimes I trigger people with my sexual energy too…
Yeah, so that's something that I've noticed a lot on my platform is that I trigger people, right? And so I'm taking all of this feedback and I'm really internalizing it and seeing like, how can I shift out of that maiden energy? That kind of energy that has those sexual chords out on display for any anyone to connect to and anyone to validate me. How can I kind of close the open loops on the maiden? Which doesn't have boundaries, which isn't able to say no, is always people pleasing, is quite naive, and come into more of the mother. Which is something that is very foreign to me. I'm not a mother archetype by nature. And I would say, I'm just now beginning that.
So this time around that I'm here in Tulum and I'm with all those same people that I used to have all of these sexual cords out with. I don't have that at all with them anymore…Even yesterday, I was back about to serve. And I hear them talking about me and they're like, ‘She's changed so much. She's so much more mature. Like she's, so much more refreshed now. She's so much more mature.’
And I didn't even have to say anything about it. You know, just to hear that was super validating because I'm not trying to people please anymore. I'm not to have my sexual energy be the creative spark for everyone around me. I'm not trying to be that person for everyone anymore. You know, and it's really holding my partnership as super sacred that really has helped that.
But also realizing that that was a trauma wound that I had of meeting validation all of the time, because my people pleasing was not actually, to be honest, it wasn't always about them. It was about the power that I would receive from being the center of their attention. It was always an ego trip.
I'm a highly individual person. All of my channels are in individual circuitry and it's like, the way I process and I perceive experience is like through my lens, you know? So, it was always about me.”
I’m super individual as well and I love what you said about the power aspect of people pleasing. The reason why I asked if you feel like it’s mostly with men is because I do feel that a lot of why we’re so disconnected from our bodies, our intuition, our needs, and our ability to set boundaries around those is because society is pretty patriarchal.
So, I was curious if it was more with men that you feel more of the pressure because I know that’s the case for me. I have a defined heart and solar plexus, and I’m a Manifestor, so you would think that I wouldn’t be prone to the people pleasing. But still, I really do fall into it.
The more layers I reveal and begin to shed, the more I find I’m able to find my power, connect with myself, set boundaries, and know my needs. And to know that I’m not responsible for someone’s reaction to me.
Well Annette, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here and sharing your energy with me. It’s been very juicy and if you want to hear the full interview, tap here for Apple Podcasts and here for Spotify.
If we want to connect with you further, how can we work with you and just get more of your juicy sacral energy?
“You can find me @sacralsecret on Instagram and also TikTok. I post a little bit more on TikTok than I do Instagram… I feel a lot more free on TikTok.
Come hang out with me there and if you want to dive deeper, then great! I was actually thinking about this because I know that they ask people this at the end of the podcast, like ‘how can they work with you?’ …the thing is I’m not a Projector. I can penetrate and I can get those layers deeper. But that doesn’t necessarily light me up.
So, I’m like, if you wanna play and if you wanna build stuff together and like you wanna like bounce off sacral energy and if you wanna build, then let's do that!
I'm not gonna sign up to be the person that tries to be a projector on you. That's like, that's not my thing. Like let's have fun and let's play together! So if that resonates, then yes, hit me up on Instagram.”
I love that so fucking much. I can't even tell you! I always say I'm like, I'm here to initiate you, like go find a generator to take you through more of your process. Like, I'll initiate you, you know?
Well, thank you so much. And that's such a pleasure and I know that we're gonna keep in touch and reconnect again!